Ok so some of you having been asking me why almost everything I have been posting lately has been depressive and gray… well Tyler and I broke up the day before my birthday.
It was something I felt was approaching, just… not so soon or unexpected. nothing was really that wrong between us. okay so, shortly after we began dating his family found out he was gay, and with the abruptness of coming out comes the rejection, solitude, and cruel side comments. he said he felt completely alone. he wanted his friends and family back. I tried to be sufficient for him, but clearly that wasn’t good enough. so he decided we should break up. he’s going to try and be straight, for pleasing his family, for gaining acceptance, for security.
I’m so infuriated that people could be so harsh and narrow minded. I thought my love, my efforts would shield him from people, from “society”. and now I’m alone.
I miss him so much. everything reminds me of him, I feel so sick. I’ve been crying for days. sometimes I’m not even thinking about him and the memories come crashing down like rain. every drop drilling holes in my head. I can still hear his voice, his laugh. oh my god, why does this hurt so much. I wish I could fall asleep forever…. still the memories would haunt me in my dreams.
he said we would remain friends. I don’t want to stay friends. not when it hurts so much knowing I lost him. I stare at my phone hoping it’s going to ring and his name will pop up… but it remains a black empty screen.
I’ll get over this soon. I’ve been through this pain before, I just have to endure it. so I guess this is it. we have come to an end. ♥